... when you understand you forgive - I've always belive this
I feel in peace when I kind of understand him and know where his problems come from and accept I'm not going to change him, I don't even want to! but that fact allows me to go on with my relationship with him in different ground, in better terms.
«This is not about "forgiveness." The way past the anger is not "making up" with whoever wronged you. The secret is being willing to accept that what happened did indeed happen, and feel the pain of what you suffered even when every part of you is screaming NO. To cry through it and comfort yourself. As Oprah says,"Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could have been any different." Once you offer yourself that healing, you won’t need to hang onto the anger. »
More than about forgiveness is about the inevitability of changing what happened and lived through BUT, in the meanwhile, I closed myself so it wouldn't hurt so much and in order to survive. I didn't allow myself to feel the pain and finally heal. When I let myself feel the hurt I though I was pittying myself and that wasn't acceptable!
Now I have learned that I should not avoid hurt but lived it and let it died naturally at its own pace. I may show hurt if someone/something is hurting me. I'm exposed in that moment and so what? That doesn't diminishes me a bit! Show my emotions
Resentment has been the feeling towars him and, in certain ways guided my growth and developing to an adult